I may have mentioned once or twice, that at the end of May, my play The Parliamentarians will be produced at the Red Sandcastle theatre in Toronto. This is a great thing. And yet, if I am 100% honest, it terrifies me. When I think about it, I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that feeling you get when you think something terrible is going to happen. That feeling you get when your only choice is to run away. That’s the feeling I’ve been getting when I think about putting this play up. That is the feeling I get when I think about scheduling rehearsals, and finding rehearsal space, and advertising and all of it. Even now, as I think about it, deep in my unconscious mind, in my lizard brain, I feel like I just want to run from it.
And I wonder why that is. Is it that fear of failing that we all struggle with? Is that I am afraid to fail, so much so that my unconscious mind simply tells me that it would be better to run from it. To not even try.
And yet, I know that doing this play will be good for me. So I struggle with that flight response, the pounding of my heart in my chest, the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, the quickened breathing. I fight against it and press on, knowing that I can do this. And that I need to do it.